Today (with the help of herbal tea and strong narcotics) I felt almost human. I can even pee! Yessss! Nothing like chronic illness to make you grateful for the little things. I cleaned out my root cellar today> I was waist deep in old roots and straw shavings, amazed that the seeds I planted in May are the sustenance my family depends on in February. Nothing makes me feel more competent and in touch with Big Mama than being able to feed myself, my friends and my family.
I’m scared I won’t be able to grow my own food again, now that I am sick, and I wonder what spring will mean to me, if not planting my own seeds and getting ready for the summer work season. Sometimes the thought of not growing food makes me feel relief–it is hard work, and being tied to the land means not being able to travel the way I would like to. I’ve been making my own herbal medicine for years, and I could spend the summer wildharvesting instead of cultivating. I guess I took my body for granted, and never thought of this back to the land/homesteader lifestyle as one that would depend on being able bodied. So many of the hindrances that this illness has brought to me have manifested as unexpected gifts, and I realize everyday all the things that I need to be grateful for and never take for granted again.
In crafting news, I shipped a sweater out today that I sold from Etsy, and my
youngest daughter and I had fun carving a stamp out of rubber, dipping it in paint, and decorating wrapping paper. It was a classic homeschool moment, where the things we do for fun each day is our learning. The whole wide world is such a wonderful classroom to be in. I love that I can share my art skills with her and she’s eager to learn. However, since I was up and at em today, precious little knitting got done, though I did stay up late last night sketching ideas for new projects. That’s me–a gagillion ideas with hals-assed follow through!
