I am feeling well again and am enjoying being back at home, feeling the spring rush of energy. I’ve spent the past two weeks designing a dress and it is FABULOUS. Amazingly kitchy, in our favorite ghetto sweetheart, Red Heart yarn from the box store, it has a corset fit around the breasts and midriff with a lace up back, and it ties around the neck. The lacings make it a one size fits most, especially the way crochet stretches and grows. I had to crochet and rip out sections over and over, but it was worth it. I’m starting another so that I can write the design down in hopes of publishing it, and I’ve posted it up on Etsy, in the hope that I can get some custom orders out of it.
It would be wonderful to be able to make a living out of my arting and crafting–this illness would be a blessing in disguise if it’s what finally 
motivates me to take my work seriously. And I hate working for bosses, doing hard labor for shit pay year in and year out, and never getting anywhere for it.
In other news, I started on a trial of Doxycycline, using my body as an experimental battleground to see whether my symptoms are being caused by Lyme disease. At first, I thought my urologist was way out there for suggesting it, but the more research I do, the more the puzzle seems to point in that direction. It’s too early to tell whether the anti-biotics are working, and I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Every time I have a good spell, I start to pick up my life again where I’ve left it off, and then everytime I get sick again, it’s just as devastating as the first time. I need to learn how to be grateful for each day that is good, and stay strong when things are tough, but it’s hard to find a balance between positive thinking and reality sometimes. I know that this is all making me a better and stronger person spiritually, but I don’t think that way when I’m hurting, I just wish that it wasn’t me being presented with another f—ing growth opportunity!
